Wow, I can’t believe I am actually sitting here manifesting something that I have thought so much about but have procrastinated in ways both intentional and circumstantial. In truth though, I have delayed this mostly because it scares me to the core of my being, but well, that is the point. So if you choose to continue reading don’t expect anything of consistency in quality or content. What you can expect is my truth of the moment in my life, a life that I call the magnificent mess. I might not express that truth with great skill, but it will be as authentic as possible. Honestly, I have no clue exactly where this will go or what I might feel compelled to throw out there, but will allow this to be another of my experiments in walking through fear to be more myself. My experiments in life so far have taught me that perfection is boring and can only ever be built of smoke and mirrors. The real rich stuff that brings wisdom and evolution is almost always at least a little down and dirty, but from the muddy mess grows the magnificent tree of life.
In fact, in my almost 40 years of living I have had many and diverse experiences. I have known the depths of despair, absolute joy, and all of the other varied and colorful guests of human beingness. From all of this journeying and forging through both the beautiful and the brutal, I have had as many unfoldings and realizations. One thing rings true in every stage and every season, life is messy and life is magnificent. Indeed, I am a magnificent mess, and I believe we all are just that, a big messy family.
When I reflect on the darkest, ugliest, messiest events of my life I am deeply grateful. Out of those episodes of chaos and crisis have been born my courage and sensitivity, my insight and wisdom. From that fertile soil of suffering has blossomed great abundance. Without all that mess I would not be who I am today. I am a wife and mother, which includes a plethora of subcategories, such as, cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, so on and so forth. I am a yoga teacher and devoted yogini, a dancer, an artist, a writer, an athlete, a friend and confidant, but above all I am a deeply feeling spiritual being seeking clarity and consciousness. The path of awakening consciousness is not clean and clutter free. Awakening, as I see it, is not about cleaning up the mess or sweeping it under the rug, it requires digging into the dirt and diving headfirst into the dark. Awakening is saying “Yes my life is messy and damn is it magnificent!!”
There is a saying in yoga, “What we resist persists.” and that is a most useful idea in relation to being in the mess. Befriending the messiness of life, in whatever form it arrives, is not surrendering to it and being consumed by it. To the contrary, when we can sit amidst the mess and smile, we can then return to the wellspring of our own deep knowing and proceed with clarity and confidence. The only tool we need to find that smile amidst the mess is our breath. So, take a breath with me now and know that right there is the only tool we need now, or ever, to navigate and relish all the ups and downs, twists and turns, of this magnificent mess. (oh, and you just did yoga)
Much more to come, what I don’t know. Namaste.